Wednesday April 19.
today, nearly 2,000 years ago, someone in pompeii baked bread.
Ahh, picture it. The time, around 2,000 years ago—the place, Pompeii. Simpler, happier times in some ways; and for the ruthless power games, insatiable sexual appetites, wild ambition, and creative genius, less so in others. However, following yesterday’s foray into pastries, and all things fluffy, warm, and flakey, it dawned on us that this day around 2,000 years ago a happy chappy somewhere in the city’s magnificent walls got to work and made some bread. CIL vol. IV 8972: XIII K. Maias panem feci—which translates as: On April 19th I made bread. And we love that for you, even millennia later! So, one day after our sweet celebration, it’s time to pay homage to pastries’ savory counterparts by marking April 19 with #bread. And a happy 2,000th anniversary to whichever miscellaneous Pompeian who decided not simply to make bread, but to mark the occasion with graffiti. But how do we know this? Well, it is thanks to the enquiring minds as evident in this post from @todayiwrotenothing, and indeed this commemoration on Reddit. Every day is a school day over here on The Internet.
Today it comes in countless forms, shapes, and sizes: wholewheat, rye, sourdough, multigrain bread, baguette, ciabatta, pumpernickel, soda, focaccia, cornbread, bagel, flatbread, naan, brioche, challah, and, last but by no means least, the ever-trusty white bread. As you will shortly see in the following string of bready content, this is simple yet limitless food: it can be braided, made by illustrated cats, or indeed constructed in the shape of the dashboard’s beloved, hapless vessel, the good ship Ever Given.
So here’s to you, as-yet-unnamed Pompeian who not only makes the bread, but brags about it too. We think you would have enjoyed this one-day tribute to your escapades here with #bread. We shall submit a formal application to rename it Tumbread, in your honor. But that’s still not all: rumor has it there is sister graffiti that reads “Olivia condita XVII Kalendas Novembres"—so come back on November 16th for preserved olives.
I just found a note that I left for myself a while ago when I was drunk with my friends and it says:
“This moment right now, this feeling, this is worth staying alive for. What you are feeling right now, this is true happiness. I know you probably won’t remember this but just know that right now you are utterly and truly alive. In this moment, everything is perfect. This right here is proof that you can be happy and that life is worth living, so don’t you dare give up.”
Sonic the Hedgehog (sustained speed of 767 MPH) could have made the journey from the Shire to Mount Doom (1718.5 miles) in just over two hours. But also he famously loves rings, so he almost assuredly would have found the thrall of the Ring far too powerful to resist. Tails would have had to shoot him
